The Price of Admission

What’s your price?

Just something I’m pondering lately…

 

 

 

 

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I’m pretty sure you don’t have to be drunk to want to hang out with me…

Marine- 36. Divorced. 1 child (lives away).

I met the Marine a few weeks ago for a drink.  He was cute.  We talked a lot about football.  Guys seem to like that I like football…. But this guy talked about it A LOT. It bothered me at first, but hey, it’s a first date. We’re all grasping for commonalities to talk about, I reminded myself, and  decided to accept a second date.

This time I met up with him closer to his place in a quaint historic town with lots of restaurants and bars. It’s a place I had only been to 2x before but had been enchanted by it.  I was looking forward to seeing him again and getting a chance to see him in his “element”.

Pulling into his complex should have been my first clue.  It was a little rougher than I had expected.  Reminded me a little of some of the major cities I had previously worked in and his neighbors were all outside, on a random Wednesday (I had off that week from my job)…many of them with beers in hand… a few called out “Hellos”.

Entering his apartment should have been my next clue. Sparse furniture. Reasonably clean and near. Marine paraphernalia everywhere.  Kitchen counter completely stocked with more liquor bottles than I could read in the 10 mins scanning time I had.

I sat down and he offered me a drink right away, a Yuengling, in my honor…and we waited for a cab to come pick us up.

My next clue should have come when I watched him kill 3 beers and do 2 shots before we got in the cab… but whatever, it was his day off.. who am I to judge? We got in the cab, headed down to the main drag of the town and stopped at one of his favorite bars to eat and drink.

It was somewhere in the middle of the meal that I realized that I was not only uncomfortable but sorta over the date in itself.  I walked off to the bathroom, texting another dude as I went, and when I returned he was on his 3rd drink.  It was official.  I was uncomfortable and slightly irritated.  You don’t have to drink to want to be around me… so this was going to be a problem.

We left and went to another bar, sat outside and continued to talk…he continued to drink.  Finally I said, “You’ve had a lot to drink already.” I was teasing, but not really… and his response, “Well, you’re from MYHometown, you can handle it.” I looked at him for a second before I replied, “Yeah, I can handle drunk guys… it doesn’t mean I want to. And actually, I think I’m going to go.”

He called a cab… while we waited, he went back into the bar to have another drink– which he had to chug because the cab got there fast… and drove it back to his apartment with me.

Needless to say.. we weren’t going to be getting together again.

How Stella Got her Groove Back

My first online dating experience was exactly what I needed.

He was fun. Flirty. Sexy. It was easy for me to flirt with him.  I have no idea why–he’s 2 years younger, kept up with witty/flirty banter, made it clear that he was interested in making out with me and didn’t talk about any big promises/life plans…ok, so I knew why…and I was feeling good about it.

It was 2 days after my 30-somethingth birthday.  We met for drinks at a local bar.  We watched some college basketball and flirted. He told me he had a “birthday present for me” and if I wanted it, I’d have to take him home.  So in those few minutes, I did something I’d never done before, swallowed my fear and said (much more confidently than I felt) “Let’s go.”

And just like that, Stella got her groove back (or FINALLY got her groove on).

Is this dating? Texts from my BGD (Best gay dude)

Me- I just got my first penis picture.  Is this what I have to look forward to? 

BGD- Oh, a picture sext. I get those often.  It’s only attractive if you can see the whole man in his glory.  Like would Michelangelo’s David be a hot alabaster cropped sext? I doubt it.  

 

Me- Let’s be honest, I’m ridiculous.

BGD- If by ridiculous you mean fabulous playgirl dating super hero then yes.  

Stella’s State of the Union

“I don’t want a boyfriend right now.” I said this with a lot of conviction to myself, in the mirror, because well, I don’t.

I’m just getting out of a marriage, one that I was intensely unhappy in (now that I can let myself actually admit that), and it’s been a long time since I’ve been on the dating scene.  When we first started dating, my ex actually had this phone….

Or something pretty damn close to it.

Dating was never easy for me.  I’ve struggled with low self-esteem for most of my life so it’s not a surprise that I would struggle with dating.  All the uncertainty and trying to figure out where you stand… I really wasn’t good with that.  I’d get nervous.  I’d second-guess myself.  I’d doubt myself.  So instead, I just stuck to what I was good at… I was the friend.

I guess it’s only natural that I would fall in love with a  friend… or  that I would force him into falling in love with me (which is how I used to feel sometimes).  After being friends for a couple of years, we started dating (I wore him down with my awesomeness) …then got married and then… it fell apart.

So here I am, on the other side, jumping back into a world that I know I didn’t navigate all that well the first time…. older, wiser, hotter and with a little more self-esteem.  My questions are many:

What do I really want in a relationship? Who do I want to be with? Who am I in a relationship with a partner?  I don’t have to force or make or manage anyone else?  How do I do that? What do I wear?

So bring on the websites, the set ups, the random dudes in bars and your single friends…. I’m dating.

Because how else am I going to figure this out if I’m not out there?