What makes you feel sexy? Music Edition

I did a lot of driving this weekend which means my IPod and I got to spend some quality time together. In the course of my shuffling, I happened upon this:

There’s something about this song that oozes sexiness to me. I want to swivel and sway and sing this to someone, in my super sexy voice, during a sunset on a beach. Not that I’ve given it a lot of thought or anything….. ūüôā

For one of my best friends, it’s this song:

And it got me thinking, what makes you feel sexy? And isn’t this a great subject for the blog? So let’s start with the subject that brought this up to begin with… music. I doubt Barry White and Marvin Gaye are making all of you feel your sexiest.. so what is? Share in your comments below! We’d love to hear from you!

You’re not Alone

Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of Eat, Pray, Love

Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of Eat, Pray, Love

QUESTION OF THE DAY: HAVE YOU EVER REGRETTED NOT HAVING CHILDREN?
A dear soul on this Facebook page asked me this the other day, and I thought I’d make the answer public.
The simple answer, blessedly, is: No.
The longer answer is that I have come to believe there are three sorts of women, when it comes to questions of maternity. There are women who are born to be mothers, women who are born to be aunties, and women who should not be allowed within ten feet of a child. It can be a tragic situation (either personally, for a family, or for the community at large) when a woman ends up in the wrong category, based on her true nature. Women who long for children but cannot have babies suffer enormously, as we know. But children who are born to inadequate or unprepared mothers also suffer enormously (and their mothers suffer, too‚ÄĒtrapped in a responsibility that they can neither meet or enjoy).
Those of us who are natural-born aunties are luckier. We love children, we enjoy children, but we know in our deepest marrow that we are not supposed to have children of our own. And that is absolutely fine, for not every woman in history needs to be a mother. Now, listen‚ÄĒif you put a baby in front of me, rest assured: that baby is gonna get cuddled, spoiled and adored. But even as I’m loving on that beautiful infant, I know in my heart: This is not my destiny. It never was. And there is a curious rush of joy that I feel, knowing this to be true‚ÄĒfor it is every bit as important in life to understand who you AREN’T, as to understand who you ARE. Me, I’m just not a mom. I create in other ways. Having reached a contented and productive middle age, I can say without a blink of hesitation that wouldn’t trade my choices with anyone’s.
Meanwhile, as you can see by this photo (where I am shown sitting at my desk, creating in the manner in which I was meant to create) I got me some cats. I got a dog, too, but cats are really good for lady writers without kids. Cats can get themselves bathed and dressed in the mornings, while you are working on your book, and you never have to drive them to school. Also, they are excellent and exacting editors.
Blessings to all, and thanks for asking! Liz
** copied and reposted from Elizabeth Gilbert’s facebook page.

Valentine’s Day

Girls, I’d like to make a toast on the behalf of men
Here’s to the men we love
Here’s to the men who love us
Here’s to the men we love who dont love us
Fuck the men, let’s drink to us
— Willa Ford

 

I sometimes quote Willa Ford…

Well, not really but I agree with the sentiment. ¬†I’ve never been really big on Valentine’s Day anyway but being single over the last 2 have made me appreciate the ladies in my life a whole lot more.

I’m so grateful for them and hope that they and YOU (single or otherwise) are enjoying this day.

The Fuck Buddy

OMG!

Sex without love?  Without a relationship?  What about committment? SEX IS SUCH A HUGE DEAL!!

Anyone out there agreeing with me?  Anyone else think I sound like a 14-year-old girl?

Bear with me ya’ll, I am a Catholic school girl.

catholic-schoolgirl

Be honest, you were thinking this, weren’t you?

Well, I hate to break it to you friends, but it was more like this…

Google image.  I do not know these people but DAMN!! This is reasonably close to what I actually wore!

Google image. I do not know these people but DAMN!! This is reasonably close to what I actually wore!

Yeah, ok.. that’s still doing it for you… isn’t it? ¬†What is it about the Catholic school girl that¬†guys love so much? ¬†I know just as many freaky public school girls! Maybe that should be saved for another post? Yikes… sorry for that tangent!!

Anyway, the Catholic upbringing brings me to my point. ¬†I was brought up to believe that sex was this special intimate thing done between a husband and wife. This isn’t to say that we weren’t 13 year olds discussing hand jobs and playing 7 minutes in heaven at parties….but sex seemed like a huge deal to me as a young woman and not something to be taken lightly. So I was waiting for that special moment, not marriage, but after a year of dating a boyfriend exclusively for that to happen. In a beautiful hotel bed in Paris with champagne and chocolates.

And then you have sex for the first time (not in Paris,not in a bed and probably with Natty Ice) and many of us think, “Is that what I was waiting for? ¬†That was the big, so special moment?” and you start to realize that sex, like everything else if life… really is what you make of it and what you want it to be.

It’s a human desire that needs to be fulfilled. ¬†And as humans, we can get it in many different forms.

It can be an intense outpouring of love and committment.  It can also be raw, sweaty and pure lust.

Sometimes you have sex with someone and the little webs of intimacy and emotions weave tighter and tighter together. Then¬†sometimes you can have sex with someone, get up, put your clothes on, high 5 and walk out the door… and these are the times that a fuck buddy is born.

I didn’t think I’d ever be the type of girl who could handle a fuck buddy.¬†I get attached. Quickly. Easily.¬†So much emotions….so much relationship building. ¬†I care too much.

But damn… I sorta fell into it… and honestly, it’s exactly what post-divorce me needed. ¬†No strings. No commitment and I could figure out who I was sexually with someone else. ¬†I have no strings attached. ¬†I don’t have to hang out with him. I don’t even have to respond to his calls/texts if I don’t want to and it’s cool.

And I’ll be damned if it hasn’t been a much-needed ego boost for me. ¬†Remember, my shitty marriage? ¬†No,cause I don’t talk about it? ¬†It’s cool.. I do.. and I have had more sex (more good sex) since this divorce than I did in our 7 years together.

As for my inner Catholic school girl?

She just high-fived me.

Girl Talk– Do We Sabotage Each Other?

Dudes, you should know…. when you go out with us, we’re telling our friends… EVERYTHING.

And together we sit and dissect every moment/phrase/look and event of a date. ¬†We over analyze and read into situations. ¬†I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve gone into the bathroom at a bar or restaurant on a Saturday night and overhead girls doing the, “Can you believe he said.. what do you think that meant???’ , “And then he grabbed my thigh under the table.. does this mean…?”, “Do you think he likes me?”….

And yes, I’ve done it too. ¬†We all have. ¬†And if you’re not with your friend at the time, you call them up and recount the situation.. which in my case means that I’ve missed some things so I end up with a ¬†lot of.. “and ya knows” or “and stuffs”….

And your friends always weigh in…

¬†“He’s mentioned Lisa six times in that conversation? He’s fucking her. ¬†Or he wants to anyway.”

“I mean, he needs to do the work here. ¬†If he doesn’t call you and plan out the first 3 dates… you don’t have time for him. ¬†You shouldn’t have to put in any effort here.”

“He’s not calling because he doesn’t want to call. ¬†If he did, he’d make the time.”

“Do not have sex with him on the first date.. and if he’s talking about sex, he’s clearly only interested in that and not anything else.”

* at one point or another each of these sentences has been said to me, by well-meaning friends in response to my need to process situations out loud.

** purposely picked cause they probably sound like something you have heard from your friends as well.

So together we agonize.  We rationalize, hypothesize and any other mental function that ends in -ize that we possibly can do UNTIL you, our simple male counterparts, come in with your take:

“My cousin has been having a really hard time lately so I’m trying to help her out as much as I can.” ¬†(Lisa)

If you’re interested in someone.. show it. ¬†I’m just flat-out refuting that last one as I followed that advice and missed out on someone because he thought that by my lack of effort, I really wasn’t that into him.

Text message the next day, “Sorry I didn’t call last night. ¬†My phone died.” (true or not, a reasonable explanation that NO ONE even brought up!)

“I have a really dirty sense of humor.. I’m not trying to be offensive at all.” (et tu, Brute)

And what have we really done? ¬†We’ve freaked each other out.

We’re blowing simple things WAY out of proportion. ¬†Reading between the lines, over the lines, under and all around the lines… and we create so much drama for ourselves that it forces us into situations where we have to say something to the men folk or they think we’re bat-shit crazy–and then we prove that is the case by opening our mouths and sharing some of these trumped-up scenarios.

It makes me wonder if the problem is really the opposite sex (or your significant others/people you want to have sex with) OR if it’s our friends? ¬†Maybe by talking things out SO much we’re really sabotaging each other and our relationships?

Maybe sometimes we just need to shut the hell up and let nature take its course.

What do you think? Do we sabotage each other?

 

 

 

 

I don’t get guys these days..

Cher was right in the 90’s and she’s still right today… except if she was filming this today she’d change baggie jeans to skinny jeans and greasy hair to the Beiber cut.

And I can guarantee she’s mention something about dick pics.

I’ve mentioned this once before but dick pics. ¬†What the hell, dudes? Why do we think this is acceptable behavior? ESPECIALLY since we’ve just met/haven’t met yet/have only hung out 2-3 times.

I’m not interested.

My response: Number deleted.

Why friends? ¬†Why? ¬†What is the deal with all the dick pics? ¬†There are other ways to turn a girl on and if you/I stick around long enough, you’ll find out that dick pics aren’t one of them.

So dudes, take it from me.. stop dick pic texting!