Rejection

I’ve been swimming along in this little dating adventure feeling like a big fish in a small pond.

There’s no good way to say this so I’m just going to say it.

In terms of the dating pond,  I had been  feeling like I was the hot fish in the tank.

Online dating has been relatively good to me.  No major scars. Nothing so traumatic I haven’t been able to come back from.. that being said, no major love connections either.  No one I was truly into….

Cue the Southern Boy.

My first EHarm date.  We’d been chatting on the phone for about 2 weeks before we finally went out, schedules and such..

He was the first date in a long time that made me nervous.  I was already kinda diggin this guy, his confidence and his openness… I was excited about meeting him and worried about how it would all turn out.  He was the date I had a minor panic attack over.

Our first date was nice… went well, had a lot to talk about.  No kiss.. but a friendly hug and let’s definitely do this again.

We continued to talk. Went out again.  I’m attracted to him (that seemed to be the area that was lacking most in many of my dates) and I’m wondering about making out with him when he starts saying things that are red flags for me.  “Doesn’t like Christmas.  Not a fan of the holidays.”  “Not a good relationship with his family.”  “No friends in the area”  “Prefers to stay home and watch movies” (in fact our last 3 dates were   hang-outs at his place, and once at mine. Red flags, red flags.. but I’m attracted to him… this counts for something. It’s early yet, I don’t end it. He’s the dude I went on this date with.

So let’s recap: I’m attracted to him.    I know it wasn’t going to work out but I’m not ready to end it.. I have this small hope that maybe, I’m wrong.

And also there’s this wild attraction I can’t get rid of…. hmmmm..

I think I’m awesome and clever (ya know, big fish > small pond) and think, no harm can come from a good healthy make out session… I’m attracted to him damn it!! He makes me feel sexy so I go for it.  And it’s fun, things are going well and bam!  Right in the middle of it, I feel the lack of connection and falter and he notices.  But neither of us says anything and on we go.

The next day we say goodbye.. and then I don’t hear from him.

We had made plans for a Wednesday night and in the span of the 2 days leading up to it, I received 2 texts.  Returns to my own messages.  Very odd for him (he liked to message me all day long) and talk to me every day.  At first I didn’t think anything of it, but on Wednesday morning, when I still hadn’t heard from him  I decided to text him:

Me: Hey, haven’t really heard from you. I’m assuming we aren’t doing anything tonight. Have a good day.

Him:  Hey, I was trying to think of the best way to tell you this but the other night wasn’t what I had expected or hoped. And I think you felt the same way.

I’m dumbfounded. What the fuck does that mean?!?!?!?!?

Me: The best way is to just be honest with me and say it. That’s one thing I’ve liked about you from the beginning, your honesty (even when it was completely inappropriate).  You’re right, I don’t think this is going to work out.  It was nice getting to know you.

end scene…

But here’s the thing. I’m hurt. And you can say, “But Stella, you weren’t that into him anyway and you didn’t think it was going to work out.”  And yes, you’re right but in my overanalytical way, I’m pretty damn sure that what I got there was a ” You suck at all things sexual” OR “You’re ugly naked”  send off.

AND OUCH, tt stings. A lot.

Guess I’m not that hot fish I seemed to think I was.

 

Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you/do you handle it?

 

Advertisements

the aftermath…

Sorry for the freak out the other day. This has been an interesting weekend for me.  Along with the news that ex is in love with a leprechaun  came a very serious stomach virus/infection that has rocked my world, sent me to the hospital and left me hibernating in my house for the past few days.

With lots of down time and lots of time to process in between bouts of feeling like I was going to die, I’m left feeling some peace and a bit of advice for all of us.

Own your life. 

Own who you are, who you love and your mistakes. 

Make amends to the people you hurt. 

Be honest with those that you love.

But above all other things, OWN your choices.  

That is ultimately what I take away from this journey.

Game Over

I had to break things off with Game Boy.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  And not for lack of trying either.

So faced with, how do I do this?  I contacted my trusted pack of dating advisors and armed with my script (yep, I had to write it all out–remember me and my verbal diarrhea), I called him.

We started with small talk:

Game Boy: Hi.. how was your day? 

Me: Good, yours?

Game Boy:  Good.  What are you doing? 

Me: Just finishing up some Christmas gifts.. so look, I called cause I wanted to talk to you about something.  I think you’re a really good guy.  I just don’t think this is it for me.

SILENCE.

I wasn’t prepared for silence.. I was only prepared if he had a “Why?” or wanted to argue with me. So since my paper was blank, I stayed quiet.  

Game Boy: Okay?  soft…quietly…slowly.

Me: Ok. quick..relieved…

Game Boy:  I wish you didn’t feel that way. I think you’re really great…

Me: rushing in… I think you’re great too.. I’m just not feeling it. 

Game Boy: Well, have a great holiday then. Have a safe trip. Hopefully we’ll see each other again.  

Me: You too.  Merry Christmas.

Then we hung up.

I did a dance.  I did it! I was honest. Brief. Didn’t talk myself into circles and it felt like a mature meeting of the minds there.  I wasn’t feeling it and I let him down easily.  Right? 

Fast forward to 11:45 that night… 

Text message from a random number(random because I had already deleted his number) 

333-333-3333: hey stella, are you available to chat tomorrow?  Maybe I’m naive but I was just really taken back by what happened earlier and I’d like to chat casually.

I thought about responding. 

That conversation could go one of two ways: 1) He could try to win me back.  2) He could make me feel bad.  Since I didn’t want either of those outcomes, I didn’t call him/text him back.  

Sometimes relationships aren’t going to work out.  Sometimes one person is going to want more than the other person.  Sometimes that person may have a photo of you on their phone as their wall paper and invite you to spend a holiday weekend with them at their uncle’s after 5 dates.  Someone has to end it. 

This time it was me.  Better than a text message.