Guest Post: Categorically Speaking

In light of a recent email or idea for a blog post or just some other idea, I figured it was time to do some math.

Yeesh.

After doing the math, I decided math time was over, and it was time to do what I do best, try to make pretty little categories and cram shit in there so it’s less chaotic and more orderly. So, without further ado, here are the categories of dudes I have had the sexy time with:

  •  Who?
  • The Web
  • Loved
  • Impulse
  • Fun
  • Dated
  • Casual

Now, In a perfect world, I’d be able to have these lists be mutually exclusive. But I haven’t seen a perfect anything lately, let alone a whole world. Have you?

So while you may think, holy crap, Collette is a giant hobag (and you may be right), it’s not as many dudes as you may think.Some of them exist in a few categories. Settle down, you.

I’d like to address each category, so today let’s start with FUN.

Here’s how it’s going down: Fun (5)

There are 5 awesome dudes in this category.

They were awesome way back when, they’re pretty awesome now. Even if by “now”, I just mean the way they exist in my memory. I didn’t want a relationship from them, and they didn’t want a relationship from me. We knew what we were getting into and we definitely got into it.

For some of us, things weren’t so simple down the line and some emotions got in our way a little bit. But when I think about it, I’d still hook up with 4 out of 5 them again, if we had the opportunity. They were just good old fashioned American fun, and I loved how carefree each one was at the time. I could say or do anything really with each one, and not be afraid all the time that he would think less of me. That was a pretty freeing feeling.

It helped me learn to relax a little bit also, being with these guys at different stages in my life. I found that I had an inner ferocity that I didn’t realize existed before. I stepped away from my wallflower self and moved toward my fiery self. It’s pretty cool, now that I am reflecting on it.

I like to think of everything as a learning opportunity, and that’s what my Fun 5 were. Lessons learned. Primarily that it’s okay to have a specific agenda or none at all. That it’s alright to enjoy the company of the guy who is right in front of you, without spending any time dwelling on the guy he was in the past or creating romantic ideas of the guy he’ll be in your future.

The Fun 5 taught me to live in the moment. They taught me to exist and love more freely. And they taught me how to let go. We parted ways and I’m okay with that for them all. I was then, and I am now.

I wonder how the guys I don’t keep in touch with are doing, and I hope they’re happy. There’s only one who I’m still in regular contact with and I don’t have to wonder about him. He’s just fine. And so am I. I owe part of that fine-ness to the Fun 5.

Thanks, boys!

xoxo, Collette

Advertisements

Rejection

I’ve been swimming along in this little dating adventure feeling like a big fish in a small pond.

There’s no good way to say this so I’m just going to say it.

In terms of the dating pond,  I had been  feeling like I was the hot fish in the tank.

Online dating has been relatively good to me.  No major scars. Nothing so traumatic I haven’t been able to come back from.. that being said, no major love connections either.  No one I was truly into….

Cue the Southern Boy.

My first EHarm date.  We’d been chatting on the phone for about 2 weeks before we finally went out, schedules and such..

He was the first date in a long time that made me nervous.  I was already kinda diggin this guy, his confidence and his openness… I was excited about meeting him and worried about how it would all turn out.  He was the date I had a minor panic attack over.

Our first date was nice… went well, had a lot to talk about.  No kiss.. but a friendly hug and let’s definitely do this again.

We continued to talk. Went out again.  I’m attracted to him (that seemed to be the area that was lacking most in many of my dates) and I’m wondering about making out with him when he starts saying things that are red flags for me.  “Doesn’t like Christmas.  Not a fan of the holidays.”  “Not a good relationship with his family.”  “No friends in the area”  “Prefers to stay home and watch movies” (in fact our last 3 dates were   hang-outs at his place, and once at mine. Red flags, red flags.. but I’m attracted to him… this counts for something. It’s early yet, I don’t end it. He’s the dude I went on this date with.

So let’s recap: I’m attracted to him.    I know it wasn’t going to work out but I’m not ready to end it.. I have this small hope that maybe, I’m wrong.

And also there’s this wild attraction I can’t get rid of…. hmmmm..

I think I’m awesome and clever (ya know, big fish > small pond) and think, no harm can come from a good healthy make out session… I’m attracted to him damn it!! He makes me feel sexy so I go for it.  And it’s fun, things are going well and bam!  Right in the middle of it, I feel the lack of connection and falter and he notices.  But neither of us says anything and on we go.

The next day we say goodbye.. and then I don’t hear from him.

We had made plans for a Wednesday night and in the span of the 2 days leading up to it, I received 2 texts.  Returns to my own messages.  Very odd for him (he liked to message me all day long) and talk to me every day.  At first I didn’t think anything of it, but on Wednesday morning, when I still hadn’t heard from him  I decided to text him:

Me: Hey, haven’t really heard from you. I’m assuming we aren’t doing anything tonight. Have a good day.

Him:  Hey, I was trying to think of the best way to tell you this but the other night wasn’t what I had expected or hoped. And I think you felt the same way.

I’m dumbfounded. What the fuck does that mean?!?!?!?!?

Me: The best way is to just be honest with me and say it. That’s one thing I’ve liked about you from the beginning, your honesty (even when it was completely inappropriate).  You’re right, I don’t think this is going to work out.  It was nice getting to know you.

end scene…

But here’s the thing. I’m hurt. And you can say, “But Stella, you weren’t that into him anyway and you didn’t think it was going to work out.”  And yes, you’re right but in my overanalytical way, I’m pretty damn sure that what I got there was a ” You suck at all things sexual” OR “You’re ugly naked”  send off.

AND OUCH, tt stings. A lot.

Guess I’m not that hot fish I seemed to think I was.

 

Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you/do you handle it?

 

Guest Post: What’s Your Number?

In the movie What‘s Your Number?, Anna Faris goes on a quirky romp through the past 20 or so guys she’s had sex with (oh, a *relationship* in the movie…) because she’s convinced one of them is her “one true love”.  Nope, turns out its her male slut of a neighbor, Chris Evans.  Spoiler alert:  they end up together.

We’re not all lucky enough to have Chris Evans be our slutty, attractive, charming male neighbor who we can be madly in love with at the end of 106 minutes.

images

But let’s not fixate on the predictable ending to this romantic comedy, let’s talk numbers.  At some point, we’ve all done the “think-back” and tried to figure out just how many guys we slept with.  Okay, for some of us, it’s not that tough to figure out.  For others, it’s an exercise in futility.  Sometimes names (first or last) are optional.  Just like clothing.

In the movie, Anna’s friends are appalled at her 20 guys.  I’ve never felt like a “Samantha” so much in my life until I got to witness their scripted reactions.  Let’s just say I’ve got her character beat.  Which, when you do the math is really only sleeping with less than 2 people per year for the past however many years.  I don’t think that’s a huge deal.  I also put a lot less thought into whether or not I’m going to sleep with somebody than most girls probably do.  I do what I want, when I want, and with whom I want at the time.  There’s not really too much more to it than that.

However, it just so happens I was at a dinner with some of my guy friends recently and they started the think-back conversation.  I stayed quiet.  While I don’t feel the need to justify my number to anyone, I feel that in an actual conversation, I would end up defending myself.  Even though I don’t want to.

Why is it that guys get to brag so much about their numbers and girls have to make excuses?  I refuse to talk numbers with anyone I’m dating, because I don’t care about theirs and they shouldn’t care about mine.  What do you think–is knowing the number important?

 

XoXo, Collette