Rejection

I’ve been swimming along in this little dating adventure feeling like a big fish in a small pond.

There’s no good way to say this so I’m just going to say it.

In terms of the dating pond,  I had been  feeling like I was the hot fish in the tank.

Online dating has been relatively good to me.  No major scars. Nothing so traumatic I haven’t been able to come back from.. that being said, no major love connections either.  No one I was truly into….

Cue the Southern Boy.

My first EHarm date.  We’d been chatting on the phone for about 2 weeks before we finally went out, schedules and such..

He was the first date in a long time that made me nervous.  I was already kinda diggin this guy, his confidence and his openness… I was excited about meeting him and worried about how it would all turn out.  He was the date I had a minor panic attack over.

Our first date was nice… went well, had a lot to talk about.  No kiss.. but a friendly hug and let’s definitely do this again.

We continued to talk. Went out again.  I’m attracted to him (that seemed to be the area that was lacking most in many of my dates) and I’m wondering about making out with him when he starts saying things that are red flags for me.  “Doesn’t like Christmas.  Not a fan of the holidays.”  “Not a good relationship with his family.”  “No friends in the area”  “Prefers to stay home and watch movies” (in fact our last 3 dates were   hang-outs at his place, and once at mine. Red flags, red flags.. but I’m attracted to him… this counts for something. It’s early yet, I don’t end it. He’s the dude I went on this date with.

So let’s recap: I’m attracted to him.    I know it wasn’t going to work out but I’m not ready to end it.. I have this small hope that maybe, I’m wrong.

And also there’s this wild attraction I can’t get rid of…. hmmmm..

I think I’m awesome and clever (ya know, big fish > small pond) and think, no harm can come from a good healthy make out session… I’m attracted to him damn it!! He makes me feel sexy so I go for it.  And it’s fun, things are going well and bam!  Right in the middle of it, I feel the lack of connection and falter and he notices.  But neither of us says anything and on we go.

The next day we say goodbye.. and then I don’t hear from him.

We had made plans for a Wednesday night and in the span of the 2 days leading up to it, I received 2 texts.  Returns to my own messages.  Very odd for him (he liked to message me all day long) and talk to me every day.  At first I didn’t think anything of it, but on Wednesday morning, when I still hadn’t heard from him  I decided to text him:

Me: Hey, haven’t really heard from you. I’m assuming we aren’t doing anything tonight. Have a good day.

Him:  Hey, I was trying to think of the best way to tell you this but the other night wasn’t what I had expected or hoped. And I think you felt the same way.

I’m dumbfounded. What the fuck does that mean?!?!?!?!?

Me: The best way is to just be honest with me and say it. That’s one thing I’ve liked about you from the beginning, your honesty (even when it was completely inappropriate).  You’re right, I don’t think this is going to work out.  It was nice getting to know you.

end scene…

But here’s the thing. I’m hurt. And you can say, “But Stella, you weren’t that into him anyway and you didn’t think it was going to work out.”  And yes, you’re right but in my overanalytical way, I’m pretty damn sure that what I got there was a ” You suck at all things sexual” OR “You’re ugly naked”  send off.

AND OUCH, tt stings. A lot.

Guess I’m not that hot fish I seemed to think I was.

 

Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you/do you handle it?

 

The Run In.

The other morning I happened to stop by my local Dunkin Donuts for a wake up wrap (don’t judge, I like a good wake up wrap and I had no food in the house!).  I was happy, jaunty even… strolling in with my new-to-me skinny cords, wavy hair and fresh from vacay glow when I took notice of the tall dude at the end of the line.

My eyes narrowed. Is that….???

I did a double take and looked away.. there’s no way that’s Southern Boy*.  I took in his appearance, the work boots, the way he stood. He was wearing a hat.

Crap.. this is directly around the corner from his work. Double crap, he’s starting to look around.

I look away nervously and do a quick self-assessment. Please don’t say anything to me.  

I feel awkward.  Really awkward.  Things had ended weird and I do NOT want to make any contact. AT ALL.

He orders.  I hear his voice.  Oh it’s definitely him and also, not as healthy as you made yourself out to be with the 2 Boston Cremes buddy.

He pays and before he can move away from the register, “Can I help you, Mam?”

I walk up quickly, swing my hair to the right (to cover my face, I guess.) and place my order.  Please don’t talk to me!

He turns and looks at me, I can feel it.

I look straight at the cashier, smile and pay for my order.

Before I can walk to the end of the counter to pick up my wrap, he’s gone.

I sigh with relief. Maybe he felt awkward as well.

 

 

*I owe you the explaination of what happened with Southern Boy.. it’s coming but as my ego was a little bruised with that one, it’s taken longer than expected to write.  I’ll link it up soon.

 

 

 

 

With Great Hotness Comes Great Power

We met late afternoon in a well-populated public area.

He looked older than I had anticipated (he was graying around his temples), though I knew he was 39 when I agreed to meeting up, and it through me off for a moment.  I was completely out of my comfort zone, but to be honest—DATING is out of my comfort zone—so I just went with it.

He smiled and moved in for a hug when he met me, said it had been a day…and since I’m a hugging-kinda girl, I obliged, though awkwardly before we walked into the restaurant to grab a drink. Drink in hand, we headed back outside towards the benches to sit and get to know each other.

We sat.  His arm wrapped across the back on the bench and his hand landed directly on my back… right around the bra mark, open-palmed… and stayed.  Not only did it stay there but it made circles, it rubbed… IT STAYED.

It was creepy. I was shocked. I said nothing but my inner voice was screaming—GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!! So instead of saying anything, I moved.  I twisted my body, I moved further up on the seat, I leaned forward…..I moved back. I thought my look would get him. Nope. I did everything but say, “Keep your hands to yourself creeper!!” (Which I SHOULD have and in the future WILL DO).  Instead, I was uncomfortable and eventually I was able to maneuver myself around so that his hand was forced to drop off.

When his hands weren’t on me, he seemed normal.  We talked. He’s had a cool life…lived in a lot of places, seemed to have a lot of things in common with me.  He asked a lot about my job… apparently my profession is a favorite of his to date (an opinion I’m learning that is shared by many) and we seemed to be getting a long well.    I could almost forgive the handsy beginning we had… almost.

We walked around the area for a bit, stopping in one of my favorite home décor stores with the pretense of him getting some tea for his mom.  And here’s where we go completely downhill.

I’ll give you the quick and dirty, play by play.

At the end of the tea aisle—throws an arm around me and hugs me close, “How tall are you again?” (Imagine a creepy whispering voice)  “5’10” (I’m staring down at his shoulder, weirded out)  “I love tall girls.”. “I like tall me too” I maneuver out from under his arm.

Walking up the condiment aisle— I’m talking about mustard…he grabs me and kisses me. Not just a peck but the beginning of a full-out make-out kiss…which is CREEPY so I back off and go down another aisle.

Things that register in my brain:  I’m in a store. Its 5:30 and Creeper McCreepson has now kissed me.

We leave the store.  I’m done.  Crossing him off my list of future dates and mentally writing this blog when he grabs my hand as we’re walking. He’s talking… I’m focused on the hands and on the second upswing; I swing my hand out of his.

I’m chatting politely, no idea on the topic, and he insists on walking me to my car.  My inner voice is laughing and reminding me how grateful I am that my good friend lives around the corner from here (Escape plans are going to be KEY for all future dates!).

At the car- “So it was nice to meet you…” I say as he sweeps into a Sporto move and twists around me so that I’m now pinned against my car and he is leaning down for the make-out.  My hands are up on his chest.

He continues to lean in, I continue to lean away, and twist from the car.

He wants to see me again. Says I need to “Help him out and tell him another time to see him”.  I smile as I get in my car and say, “Ok” as my inner voice screams, “NO WAY CREEPER!!” and I drive away.

“With great hotness comes great power” one of my dear friends told me upon relation of this story, “The power to say NO and take your fucking hands off me”.

Lesson learned.

But it sure beats a Post-it, doesn’t it?

Text transcripts:

Sporto: I’m not sure what’s going on but I just need to know if you still want me to come tonight or not.

Me: I’m not planning on being out late and I’m not drinking.

Sporto: I know that.  You didn’t answer my question, do you want to see me or not?

There were a million things I could have said here..but I went with my gut and here’s what came out:

Me: Honestly, I’ve thought a lot about our conversation on Saturday and I really think we’re just on two different paths.  I don’t think we should see each other anymore.

Sporto: Wow.

Sporto: You just did that in a text.