Guest Post: Categorically Speaking

In light of a recent email or idea for a blog post or just some other idea, I figured it was time to do some math.

Yeesh.

After doing the math, I decided math time was over, and it was time to do what I do best, try to make pretty little categories and cram shit in there so it’s less chaotic and more orderly. So, without further ado, here are the categories of dudes I have had the sexy time with:

  •  Who?
  • The Web
  • Loved
  • Impulse
  • Fun
  • Dated
  • Casual

Now, In a perfect world, I’d be able to have these lists be mutually exclusive. But I haven’t seen a perfect anything lately, let alone a whole world. Have you?

So while you may think, holy crap, Collette is a giant hobag (and you may be right), it’s not as many dudes as you may think.Some of them exist in a few categories. Settle down, you.

I’d like to address each category, so today let’s start with FUN.

Here’s how it’s going down: Fun (5)

There are 5 awesome dudes in this category.

They were awesome way back when, they’re pretty awesome now. Even if by “now”, I just mean the way they exist in my memory. I didn’t want a relationship from them, and they didn’t want a relationship from me. We knew what we were getting into and we definitely got into it.

For some of us, things weren’t so simple down the line and some emotions got in our way a little bit. But when I think about it, I’d still hook up with 4 out of 5 them again, if we had the opportunity. They were just good old fashioned American fun, and I loved how carefree each one was at the time. I could say or do anything really with each one, and not be afraid all the time that he would think less of me. That was a pretty freeing feeling.

It helped me learn to relax a little bit also, being with these guys at different stages in my life. I found that I had an inner ferocity that I didn’t realize existed before. I stepped away from my wallflower self and moved toward my fiery self. It’s pretty cool, now that I am reflecting on it.

I like to think of everything as a learning opportunity, and that’s what my Fun 5 were. Lessons learned. Primarily that it’s okay to have a specific agenda or none at all. That it’s alright to enjoy the company of the guy who is right in front of you, without spending any time dwelling on the guy he was in the past or creating romantic ideas of the guy he’ll be in your future.

The Fun 5 taught me to live in the moment. They taught me to exist and love more freely. And they taught me how to let go. We parted ways and I’m okay with that for them all. I was then, and I am now.

I wonder how the guys I don’t keep in touch with are doing, and I hope they’re happy. There’s only one who I’m still in regular contact with and I don’t have to wonder about him. He’s just fine. And so am I. I owe part of that fine-ness to the Fun 5.

Thanks, boys!

xoxo, Collette

Advertisements

The Fuck Buddy

OMG!

Sex without love?  Without a relationship?  What about committment? SEX IS SUCH A HUGE DEAL!!

Anyone out there agreeing with me?  Anyone else think I sound like a 14-year-old girl?

Bear with me ya’ll, I am a Catholic school girl.

catholic-schoolgirl

Be honest, you were thinking this, weren’t you?

Well, I hate to break it to you friends, but it was more like this…

Google image.  I do not know these people but DAMN!! This is reasonably close to what I actually wore!

Google image. I do not know these people but DAMN!! This is reasonably close to what I actually wore!

Yeah, ok.. that’s still doing it for you… isn’t it?  What is it about the Catholic school girl that guys love so much?  I know just as many freaky public school girls! Maybe that should be saved for another post? Yikes… sorry for that tangent!!

Anyway, the Catholic upbringing brings me to my point.  I was brought up to believe that sex was this special intimate thing done between a husband and wife. This isn’t to say that we weren’t 13 year olds discussing hand jobs and playing 7 minutes in heaven at parties….but sex seemed like a huge deal to me as a young woman and not something to be taken lightly. So I was waiting for that special moment, not marriage, but after a year of dating a boyfriend exclusively for that to happen. In a beautiful hotel bed in Paris with champagne and chocolates.

And then you have sex for the first time (not in Paris,not in a bed and probably with Natty Ice) and many of us think, “Is that what I was waiting for?  That was the big, so special moment?” and you start to realize that sex, like everything else if life… really is what you make of it and what you want it to be.

It’s a human desire that needs to be fulfilled.  And as humans, we can get it in many different forms.

It can be an intense outpouring of love and committment.  It can also be raw, sweaty and pure lust.

Sometimes you have sex with someone and the little webs of intimacy and emotions weave tighter and tighter together. Then sometimes you can have sex with someone, get up, put your clothes on, high 5 and walk out the door… and these are the times that a fuck buddy is born.

I didn’t think I’d ever be the type of girl who could handle a fuck buddy. I get attached. Quickly. Easily. So much emotions….so much relationship building.  I care too much.

But damn… I sorta fell into it… and honestly, it’s exactly what post-divorce me needed.  No strings. No commitment and I could figure out who I was sexually with someone else.  I have no strings attached.  I don’t have to hang out with him. I don’t even have to respond to his calls/texts if I don’t want to and it’s cool.

And I’ll be damned if it hasn’t been a much-needed ego boost for me.  Remember, my shitty marriage?  No,cause I don’t talk about it?  It’s cool.. I do.. and I have had more sex (more good sex) since this divorce than I did in our 7 years together.

As for my inner Catholic school girl?

She just high-fived me.