I’m not proud of this but…

I sometimes give up on myself.

I give up the hope and belief that good things will happen for me when it comes to love…hell, when it comes to life.

I have to combat negative self-talk way more than I’d like to admit (though far less in the past 2 years than ever before.).

But as I give up hope there is a nagging little voice,  that I like to equate to Tinkerbell, that semi-whispers into my heart that there is hope…that it could be… that the dreamer/fairy tale princess inside of me can actually win.

This week, Tinkerbell whispered with a photograph.

Tonight’s Date look?

I interupt my normal schedule of posts to bring you this important announcement….

Tonight I’m going on a date dressed like this:

2010 0503 Lululemon Define Jacket Angel Blue

Girl on the left. With grey top.

Movie date. At his place.  He told me he wasn’t getting fancy and would probaly wear his pj pants.  I laughed and said.. cool, I’m not dressing up then either.  So I’m looking like my cute, sporty self.  This bodes well for us all if he’s into this look, as it’s very much the normal me.  If not, well…. no big loss.

Sidenote— I am wearing my Lululemon pants.. they make my ass look good.

 

 

Freaky Saturday

I went on a first date tonight…. I was excited about it all week and had even broken my– no dating random dudes on MY WEEKENDS rule for it.

The date came up tonight and as I got dressed.. I started freaking out.  What if this date is horrible?  What if he looks nothing like his photos?  What if he’s so boring and uninteresting in person?  What if he tries to molest me like the last military guy I went out with?  and with all of that comes my own negative self talk… What if he hates me? What if he thinks I’m ugly/fat/boring/horrible..?  And why the hell am I freaking out like this?  I haven’t done this since my first first date!!

So in a panic, I texted my dating guru

Me: I’m getting ready for my date tonight and I’m totally terrified.  What is wrong with me? I’m having a dating breakdown.

Guru: Because you want it to work out. 

 

So damn simple…. I actually care whether or not this one becomes something.

 

On a Wednesday in a baaaaaar….

Game Guy and I went out the other night.  We were supposed to meet up on a Wednesday night (I wonder if I’m starting to subconsciously choose this day because of that damn Taylor Swift song?) and instead of just the two of us, it turned into a double date with our friends who also met at the same game.

We played some of the local bar games, including shuffle board which he is a master at.. seriously a master.  I had to ask him if he was just letting me play well.  His response, “I don’t want to answer that”.

The music was pumping with all of my old favorites from the late 80’s/90’s…boy bands, rap groups.  Awesome. A debate was sparked about Step by Step, the New Kids on the Block song.  “What year did this come out?” my friend asked.  We all made guesses and Game Guy pulled out his phone.  “1986, ” he said, “I was just born.”

Yikes…. can I date a 27-year old?

I mean, I know age is just a number but he’s definitely younger than me… less than 10 years, but still.   How young is too young to be out of your dating age range? **

** On a side note, he started to broach my age and then pulled it back instantly, realizing it was rude.  I assured him I didn’t care and then asked how old he thought I was.  He thought I was 26… bless his heart.  I gave him the real answer and he never flinched… guess age doesn’t matter than much to the males.

You mean, I can do this IRL?

Folks, I have an announcement… you actually can still meet people IN REAL LIFE!

This past weekend I went to a sporting event and while tailgating, met a fine young fellow… he came over here without a second to lose (points if you can name that song!) and gave me pointers on how to play cornhole. It was legitimately my first time tossing the bean bags (apparently some people think there is skill involved?) and this young man wanted to help me out.

Cue the music…. except not.

I had no idea anything except friendly conversation was happening until after the game when my friend’s friend told my friend that this guy was into me and wanted to hang out with us after the game.  Then she texted him to tell him where we were.  He never made it back in time.  I told her she could give him my number if he asked.  He asked. She gave.  He made contact. **

We’re getting together this week. I’ll let you know how it goes… here’s the funny part though. I don’t know much about him.  Some basic things exchanged at the game , most of which I don’t remember and I don’t have a profile to go remind me.  I don’t know how old he is (how do you bring that up in real life conversation?) or what his hobbies are or what he’s looking for in a relationhip partner.  EEKKKKK!!!

It’s like I’m going into this blind.. it’s like… oh wait, it’s like every other damn date, just minus the bio.  🙂

**purposely written, middle-school style since, in retrospect, that’s how it kinda seems.